RocketJim's

Whinefest
I feel like a villain. Went for a movie with A. Our second date so far and although I had fun, I couldn't feel the sparks. In fact, I don't see anything coming. Or is it... I don't want to see anything coming? I was bad bad bad today. *sigh* I was chatty; I tried to make him comfortable and I smiled alot! Nope nope, ain't the usual intimidating self I am. Pity my big mouth slipped. He was musing about girls making the first move and I casually added that there are girls who do it, like me. At that precise moment, I already regretted what i said. A's curiousity was ignited and I wished I had earlier shut up. He kept quiet for awhile and then started asking me who I approached, where I knew the fellow and if anything has happened. Things were friendly...though pretty awkward. I had to try very hard to steer him away from the topic. Later into the night, A sent me a text telling me to have faith; I will get to know the guy soon. I still feel sooo bad but it's not like I can help it either. It was all a case of bad timing. Bummer. A is a very very good man; I know he will take very good care of me but I guess he isn't the one I am looking for. I should clear things up with him soon because I have no wish to lead him on. He will one day make another girl very happy.

Maybe I am blind according to some people; I am so fixated trying to get to know Ronin I overlooked A. This isn't fair. It's just me. When I do set goals, I expect to see them to the end. I can't give up, especially now that I have gone through so much! *shakes fist* The dating game sucks! Period. All these uncertainties make me very paranoid and this emotional rollercoaster ride is starting to tire me!! Now I have to also feel guilty over A.
I told June that I will be so rejected by Ronin because of karma; I have turned down at least 3 gentlemen thus far. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't know what I am looking for but Ronin seems to possess it. 7 semesters and he is the only guy I want to know. Ack. June said there is no karma in love, it's only attraction. I feel like a villain again because I feel reassured.

Anyhow, gonna try contacting Ronin soon. I don't want to live to regret it. Besides, I know there are a number of people who may be very tired of my whining. Hehe. It is time for me to tell them new stories. Good stories! Yoshi~!! Ikuwayo!

Spent an hour in the bathroom dying my hair. It's suddenly so dark again...whoa. Haven't had dark hair for ages, I am beginning to like the change.