RocketJim's

It's A Dog's Life

this is a day in the life of rocketjim, as observed by her eminent mistress, the superior empress of planet boodiboo who rules rocketjim's life with an iron (but velvet-gloved) fist.

12 noon: rocketjim gets up and slouches about the house. she leafs through the papers, pretending she can read but really, she's looking at the pictures. does she brush her teeth? rumour has it that she does, once every two months, but i wouldn't bet my last buck on it. mainly cos i've never seen her do it. and i've suffered her for 23 years.

1pm: i decide to watch 28 days later and command rj to watch it with me. she pretends to demur but really, she's like a dog in heat when you say "thriller!" it's a really good film, bolstered by the sterling performance of cillian murphy who has the cruellest, clearest eyes.

3pm: the film ends and rj finds herself slobbering over her pillow in fear. she potters about the house, wandering from room to room. she thinks of taking a walk outside but decides against it for fear of ruining her fair complexion. it is drizzling outside.

5pm: she lies on her esteemed mistress' bed. and lies and lies and lies. that is one bag of lazy bones.

5.30pm: she finally gets off her bum (and back and general reclining position) and gets on with her favourite activity - costuming her mask. first she tucks her hair under a shower cap, making sure that every strand is kept under control. then she unleashes her arsenal of make-up and brushes, tweezes, draws, paints, pats and lightens her way to a brand new rj.

6.30pm: she makes her way to tiong bahru, no city hall, no tiong bahru to meet her "friend". rj's said friends are always male. hmmm. i better look into her contract to find out if she's allowed to have extra-curricular relations with members of the less interesting sex.

7.30pm: rj calls her mistress as she is unable to find a particular bookshop to procure her mistress a most desired object. a tool most suitable for righting wrongs and carrying out the tortuous path of justice. yes, thass right. eeenk leequieeed! said friend, being of the less interesting sex, is curiously unable to recall or locate the bookshop despite having suggested the meeting place.

12am: rj returns home, seemingly exhausted by meeting with said friend. she plonks herself in front of a magic box connected to millions of other magic boxes and stares at pictures of a faraway place called kowloon for five minutes.

1am: her mistress kicks her off the magic box, screaming obscenities and threats to dock her already pittance pay. hurt and grimy from the pollution of central singapore, rj scurries off for a shower. grey's anatomy awaits the newly clean but still subservient rj. george o'malley is hot. say it.