RocketJim's

I want to find a good paying job so that my parents don't have to work so hard. I feel bad to hold out for this desire to go back to Japan. I wonder if I am being too wilful? They support me but somehow I feel guilty. I live very comfortably and I shall be eternally grateful to them...shall I just go or find a government job here? I know that given a chance, I will go anyway. Arggghhhhhh, why the guilt?

I want to hug them more often but I am too shy. This is insane, what is there to be shy about? They are my kin! The last thing I should worry about it 'losing face'. I am so proud I don't like people to see my cry. What the hell. It's not like I am a guy! The last time I left them for abroad, my dad shook my hand at the airport and it broke my heart. I should have grabbed him when he shook my hand. I need to appreciate them more...but how do I begin to tell them I love them? Quite embarrassing...no? *bangs head on wall*

I miss my dad everyday but I am clueless; I don't know how to be more at ease in front of him. I chat freely with my mum but why can't I do that with my dad? We used to play so often together. I remember our fun swordfights when I was 6 and younger. I was a spunky, talkative kid...it must be it! It was my primary 3 form teacher that changed me. Bitch!!!! *laughs* Miss Phua!! Next to the Mole, this teacher is someone I unfortunately cannot forget. Need to forgive and forget, forgive and forget.

My childhood dream? To bring my dad into Bally and buy him the best pair of leather shoes. Go into medicine? Not interested. Be a fashion designer? I'll think about it. Be a politician? Whatever. I just want to get pa an expensive pair of leather shoes. Either that, a Mercedes Benz. Oh boy, I need to start working very very hard.